What Pisses Me Off

… are people who say:

“Hyland’s teething tablets worked perfectly for us.”

“Just give him a frozen watermelon rind. He’ll love it.”

“Frozen washrags bring instant relief.”

“A little Tylenol will make him sleep.”

“Rub some whiskey on his gums.”

MY FAVORITE IS, “Sleep him at least every two hours so he doesn’t become overtired.”

THIS IS THE HARDEST SHIT I HAVE EVER DONE IN MY LIFE, MOTHERFUCKERS. AND I ATTEMPTED HOMEBIRTH, HAD TWO C-SECTIONS (TWO!!!!), AND TRIUMPHED IN MULTIPLE MAJOR ATHLETIC COMPETITIONS.

I am at a loss.

I should make a new category on my blog: “TRENCHES.”

 

Advertisements

About jordanbucher

My name is Jordan E. Bucher, formerly Jordan E. Pitcher, aka Wondertwin, Tadpole, Jojo. I live in Austin, TX by way of NYC for 7 years, London for a stop, Minnesota for 4 years, and Kansas for 18 very long years. I am married to Matt for nearly 4 years (smooching on and off for 7), and we have a son Henry Wallace who is almost 1. A crazy sheltie named Riley also lives with us. She herds sheep and vacuum cleaners in her sleep. I have worked in publishing for 10 years. I started as an editor and switched to being a publicist because I thought it would be cool to get paid for watching tv and reading magazines all day. I am proud to say I was a cupcake artist at Magnolia Bakery on my days off, way before the Saturday Night Live rap. I have met Carrie Bradshaw and Felicity, and once Kyle McLaughlin flirted with me. My interests include bran, sending inappropriate emails to unintended recipients, and naps (not mine, of course: Henry's). I like sushi and red meat. And red wine.
This entry was posted in Arlo Beckett, day-to-day, sleep, child. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to What Pisses Me Off

  1. Melissa says:

    Out of the many reason why I will not have more children, this is the top one. Thinking about sleep in that first year still makes me want to go out for a pack of cigarettes and never come back.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s