We’ve been trying to find a new care situation for Henry for the past couple of weeks since our beloved nanny went back to teaching preschool this week. We thought we were ready for Montessori, but I changed my mind last minute. We entered someone else’s nanny share and after contract negotiations the nanny gave her two weeks’ notice the day before we even started in. So I’m trying to work my job, be a mom and wife, interview potential nannys, look at other schools, and stay sane all at once. It’s so hard, and when I take my deep breaths to “center myself”, sometimes I just want to bash my computer out the window.
Transitions are hard on Henry. It took him a long time to get to sleep last night and he woke several times during the night and needed comfort. I hate that probably as soon as he gets used to this new nanny by the end of next week, she will be done. I hate that I haven’t had the same nanny for him since the day I went back to work. (We’ve been through 3.) Sometimes I even hate that I know I couldn’t be the mom I want to be if I was with him full-time… though that one is pretty pointless.
So I’m just going to have my little guilt party here and move on with it because I am doing the best I can. Everyone has a sob story. Sleep aside, Henry actually seems pretty happy in his new situation. Yesterday he waved and, with his mouth full of figs, said “Bye, Mama!” when I left. Our yoga teacher told us that when our energy and chakras are restored, our auras extend about 6 inches around our bodies, into the space we hold our children. Indigo child or not, I swear, when I am feeling good, Henry looks just over my head sometimes. I think maybe he senses my aura is a bit depleted right now and he wants to give me hugs in the middle of the night to let me know he is ok.