I hate to whine about sleep, especially when I haven’t been blogging much, but we’re in the thick of a major sleep regression here. I thought it was because of holiday travel, a sickness, an ear infection, 2 new molars (OK, that’s a lot)… but it’s a month later, and Henry is sleeping worse than he did as a newborn. Last night may have been the worst night ever. We started bedtime at 7 and couldn’t get him to sleep until 10:30. Then he woke and needed help going back to sleep at 12:45, 2, 3, 3:45 (yeah, that was a super long stretch), 5, 6. He was up for the day at 7. Matt and I alternate comfort duty, but even when it’s his turn, it’s impossible for me to really sleep. And when it’s my turn, I’m so stimulated afterwards that it takes me about 20 minutes to fall asleep again.
These are the times I struggle with guilt and doubt. I wish I could cosleep–that just may solve Henry’s problems. But I have to be in a certain position on a certain pillow in a room at a certain temperature with the darkness a certain way in order to sleep. Sleeping, for me, certainly doesn’t involve a pirahna on my boob. I could buy a futon and put it on the floor next to his crib, but damnit, while he is crying out loud for me, I am crying on the inside for my alone time.
So I think tonight we’re going to have to do something different. We’re going to have to let him cry. I will sit next to him, but I am not going to lie down and pretend to be asleep so that I can sneak out later. I am going to have to tell him that I love him, that I know it’s hard, that it hurts to grow new teeth, that it sucks when you’re so tired you can’t even find words to communicate. He will cry and I will cry and hopefully we will get it all out and find some peace again.